The Feminist Elephant In The Room

Written by Jasmin

There is a rather large elephant in the room that feminists are trying to 12359390_1938960452996222_1996137622_oavoid. It must surely be uncomfortable, as it’s taking up more and more space in the conversations on social media.

This past week we have seen 3 women charged with murder and 2 counts of attempted murder. The victims were 2 men, 3 children.  To my knowledge this is the largest number of domestic related murders in the news in a single week – and yet the media remain quiet on this, and not one headline is saying “We Must Teach Women Not To Be Violent”.

As at 11 Dec, 2015 women have killed 40 people. 19 men, 10 women, and 11 children. [1] It’s time to destroy the narrative that family violence is a gendered issue, and they know it.

When I created the Facebook page Destroy The Narrative it was at a moment of utter despair at the relentless lies being peddled by the social media campaign known as Destroy The Joint.  I kept hearing that 2 women a week died in Australia due to domestic violence, and it was an outright lie fabricated to cement their gendered narrative. It happened one week, but not every week.

At this time our newly appointed Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, had announced the $100m women’s only domestic violence package, which was based on the lies and fabrications that were being peddled by a particular group of women who believe that societal misogyny is the norm in Australia. This term was so absurd to me I had to google it, and yet these radical feminists are now dictating our government policy.

In his package announcement speech, Mr. Turnbull said: “Already this year 63 women have been killed by their partners or a family member.” [2]  No, Mr Turnbull, they had not.

I have no doubt the Prime Minister believed this to be true. However, he had unwittingly repeated a fabricated and elevated number from Destroy The Joint, created to give the women’s lobby groups the ‘evidence’ they require to gain more funds. When you scrutinise their list you will see that Destroy The Joint were elevating their figures with all women killed, even those killed by other women, suicide, non domestic related incidents and in some cases where there is a woman missing, not even known to be dead. [3]

One would hope that if a Prime Minister was going to make such a grand claim and invest a further $100m into protecting women (only) from family violence, that he would at least know the truth behind the stories he had been told. Such is the power generated by women’s groups that insist on spreading the gendered narrative of domestic violence, irrespective of the truth.

In April, 2015 when I published  The Ugly Truth of Female Violence I attempted to keep an up-to-date list with the number of violent assaults committed by women. It became an overwhelming and grisly task on my own and so Destroy The Narrative was born to counter the claims that only men were responsible for domestic or family related homicide in Australia. This is incredibly important to take note of, because until we look at all perpetrators we can not hope to address the problems.

As the year is almost over I have broken down all the figures of domestic homicides in Australia available from news reports. [4] I make particular note that these are estimations at best. Most of these cases have not gone to trial and they are not considered statistics until full reporting and coronial inquests have been undertaken and reported on. They are not statistics, they are a tally.

Destroy The Joint have recorded the 2015 deaths of women in Australia as 78.  However, 28 of these are not domestic related, and 10 are killed by other women. This leaves 40 women who are known to have been killed in domestic or family violence. Fathers are also known to have killed 4 children this year, bringing the family violence related deaths from men to 44.

Destroy The Narrative has chosen a position to counteract Destroy The Joint and has recorded all deaths where a woman has been charged with murder. This includes men, women and children with a current total of 40 victims. If we take those that are known to be domestically related, women have killed 31 people in domestic or family related incidents.

44 killed by men in family violence (58.6%)

31 killed by women in family violence (41.3%)

Family violence is a generational problem, not a gendered one.

So the elephant in the room is now a very big problem for feminist lobby groups. White Ribbon, Our Watch, Destroy The Joint and Rosie Batty are all guilty of cultivating a lie that has destroyed the real conversations that needed to be had in Australia this year.

I am always amazed when I am asked in accusatory tones “Why do you want to prevent women being helped?”.   I want to end violence against every woman, man and child. They want to end it against only women. This speaks volumes of them, not me.

The issues arising addressing family violence as gendered are far wider reaching than those harmed or killed. The complexities of these policies infiltrate our family court, police, and many of our social policies and services. We have been chasing answers to a problem we are only half addressing. At the end of all of this, we must protect our future generations from continuing the cycle of abuse based on a belief founded in radical opinion that only men are violent and hurtful to families.

Let’s please start 2016 afresh and talk about all victims and all perpetrators of family violence in honest dialogue without a biased and prejudiced agenda. We must provide proportional funding for services and we must protect all our people.

The Elephant Is In The Room: Family & Domestic Violence Is Generational, Not Gendered


This work is entirely unfunded (doesn’t fit the narrative). All donations gratefully received.

[1] Australian Female Murderers In The News


[3] Counting Dead Women

[4] Breaking Down The Numbers

Photo Credit: Cea Flickr




About the author


Jasmin is a specialist men’s coach who supports men in all aspects of relationships, but specifically those who are going through high conflict separation and divorce. She is also a dedicate advocate for services for men and their children who have been victims of domestic violence and abuse.

Jasmin helps men who are struggling and feeling lost and alone, to move to a place of acceptance and confidence so they can move ahead and live a life consistent with their values and beliefs. She believes strongly in the power of overcoming past hurts through empathy and compassion.

She is a mother of two, author, presenter and coach. She lives in the idyllic coastal town of Merimbula, NSW, Australia.

*All written material on Relating To Men is subject to copyright to the author.