The Pain of Rejection

Written by Jasmin

The Pain Of Rejection

Rejection has to be one of the most painful human emotions and if you’ve suffered rejection, especially repeatedly, it can really make you start to second guess yourself and your beliefs.

Rejection comes in many forms. It might be Divorce or Separation, It could be constant knock backs from your partner in relation to sex. It might also just be that feeling you get when you keep trying to ‘do the right thing’ and never apparently succeeding.

You remember it from being a teenager when you soooo wanted ‘that’ girl to notice you, and she never did? Even though you never plucked up the courage to ask her, that she never noticed you – is rejection.

To the brain, rejection sits in what is called the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC). The ACC is where our fundamental need for CONNECTION is housed. This is a primary requirement for humans to have, right up there with safety and food.

When we don’t have connection in place, we experience what we know as ‘disconnect’. Disconnect brings about a state of loneliness, despair, emptiness. It’s that painful black pit that you feel in your gut. Your gut actually sends that signal straight back to your brain, as pain.

Situations like Divorce bring significant feelings of rejection. Even if you weren’t happy, fighting all the time or whatever – that last loss is a dead-set blow to your heart.

This pain is real. It’s felt in the ACC in your brain and its as real as any other pain you might have from a broken leg to a headache.

Pain in Pain.

Sometimes, this pain manifests in other areas of your body. Strange shoulder injuries or hip pain – pain manifests in some seemingly obscure ways.

There are a few antidotes to the Pain of Rejection.
1. Share Your Stories

find someone to talk to about what you are experiencing. Rejection is very similar to shame (and in many ways the same) and shame can not survive being spoken about.

2. Make New Connections
Reach out and connect, make new friends, create new circles, hangout with mates you haven’t seen for a while.

3. Spend Time With People Who You Love
Strengthening bonds with people you love will heighten the connection signals to your brain and engage those positive feelings of love and belonging.

If you are struggling, feeling lost or alone
I hope that this helps you.




About the author


Jasmin is a specialist men’s coach who supports men in all aspects of relationships, but specifically those who are going through high conflict separation and divorce. She is also a dedicate advocate for services for men and their children who have been victims of domestic violence and abuse.

Jasmin helps men who are struggling and feeling lost and alone, to move to a place of acceptance and confidence so they can move ahead and live a life consistent with their values and beliefs. She believes strongly in the power of overcoming past hurts through empathy and compassion.

She is a mother of two, author, presenter and coach. She lives in the idyllic coastal town of Merimbula, NSW, Australia.

*All written material on Relating To Men is subject to copyright to the author.