The Pain Of Rejection
Rejection has to be one of the most painful human emotions and if you’ve suffered rejection, especially repeatedly, it can really make you start to second guess yourself and your beliefs.
Rejection comes in many forms. It might be Divorce or Separation, It could be constant knock backs from your partner in relation to sex. It might also just be that feeling you get when you keep trying to ‘do the right thing’ and never apparently succeeding.
You remember it from being a teenager when you soooo wanted ‘that’ girl to notice you, and she never did? Even though you never plucked up the courage to ask her, that she never noticed you – is rejection.
To the brain, rejection sits in what is called the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC). The ACC is where our fundamental need for CONNECTION is housed. This is a primary requirement for humans to have, right up there with safety and food.
When we don’t have connection in place, we experience what we know as ‘disconnect’. Disconnect brings about a state of loneliness, despair, emptiness. It’s that painful black pit that you feel in your gut. Your gut actually sends that signal straight back to your brain, as pain.
Situations like Divorce bring significant feelings of rejection. Even if you weren’t happy, fighting all the time or whatever – that last loss is a dead-set blow to your heart.
This pain is real. It’s felt in the ACC in your brain and its as real as any other pain you might have from a broken leg to a headache.
Pain in Pain.
Sometimes, this pain manifests in other areas of your body. Strange shoulder injuries or hip pain – pain manifests in some seemingly obscure ways.
There are a few antidotes to the Pain of Rejection.
1. Share Your Stories
find someone to talk to about what you are experiencing. Rejection is very similar to shame (and in many ways the same) and shame can not survive being spoken about.
2. Make New Connections
Reach out and connect, make new friends, create new circles, hangout with mates you haven’t seen for a while.
3. Spend Time With People Who You Love
Strengthening bonds with people you love will heighten the connection signals to your brain and engage those positive feelings of love and belonging.
If you are struggling, feeling lost or alone
I hope that this helps you.