Maybe This Is Why Boys Don’t Respect Women

Written by Jasmin

Our Watch, White Ribbon, Rosie Batty et al are all demanding that boys respect women. The current narrative is “We must teach boys to respect women” and it’s repeated so often that it long ago became offensive to many of us who see the other side of women that these lobbyists deny affect our children.

My colleague and Facebook friend Andrew, made a comment today about an event he witnessed yesterday.

Sitting a the pool yesterday with my daughter while attending a birthday party and chatting to one of the mums. A little boy, not part of this party, was being dragged across the lawn by his wrist asking his mum for another snack and getting upset on hearing the word no. She tried to whisper, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear as she said, “shut the fuck up ya little C**T or I’ll fuckin smash ya”.

The abuse of this child will go unreported because had Andrew reported him, he knows too well that no one will listen. The Police will say “what do you want me to do?”. Family Services will do nothing.

For Andrew, situations like this reaffirm for him the bias and prejudice he has endured as being a single Dad. He went on to say in his post

Apparently, according to our government women don’t commit domestic violence. Only men do that. It brought back some horrible memories for me and reminded me why I do what I do. For my kids. For good dads. For good men. And for their kids.

You see, Andrew is a single father of five girls. He and his children were victims of family violence from the mother of his girls who had a substance abuse problem.  Andrew faced a biased judicial system that refused to believe him, and ultimately punished him before he gained custody when his wife was admitted to hospital. Situations such as he witnessed are deeply disturbing to him because as a victim he and his girls are dismissed by Australia for services because their perpetrator was a woman.

This incident added insult to injury for Andrew after his children came home from school last week distressed about the White Ribbon talk at their school. As is the ‘rule’ administered by our government, their Principal addressed ending violence against women, but not violence by women. His five girls felt isolated and confused and justifiably, Andrew was incensed by this.

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How we see domestic or family violence as gendered is simply illogical and can only be driven by greed for funding. There can simply BE not other explanation.

As an abused child, the boy that Andrew witnessed being threatened with violence yesterday has a higher propensity to go onto be an abuser and to accept violence as normal. [1]  His trust and faith in the person who is supposed to love him unconditionally is broken, and will remain to be so because we do not acknowledge the problem with female perpetrators. When he goes to school he will be told his has to respect women, but he will most likely resent them, and everyone who says he should respect them.

I hold grave fears for the future of little boys and girls who endure this kind of abuse, and so you should you.

Last week channel 9 reported on the Facebook page that “As the nation focuses on ending violence against women, disturbing new research has found some children as young as 10 believe violence is usually the woman’s fault.  How do we change that attitude?

For those of us who flooded their post, this is exactly what we are referring to. For heaven sake, LISTEN to the voice of children. Feminist lobbyists don’t want to stop the cycle of domestic violence, because if they did they would address all of it, not just half. They would stop demonising men and boys, and start demonising the behaviours attached to violence and abuse.

Every person reading this post will be able to refer to some mother they have seen doing something similar. This is child abuse. Please help us take a stand against the narrative that says domestic and family violence is gendered. We must help all victims and we must address all perpetrators.

 

Please support this unfunded work as we continue to raise awareness to end all family violence.

 

[1]  Child physical abuse and adult offending, 2007 report

Photo Source: Mindaugas Danys Flickr

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About the author

Jasmin

Jasmin is a specialist men’s coach who supports men in all aspects of relationships, but specifically those who are going through high conflict separation and divorce. She is also a dedicate advocate for services for men and their children who have been victims of domestic violence and abuse.

Jasmin helps men who are struggling and feeling lost and alone, to move to a place of acceptance and confidence so they can move ahead and live a life consistent with their values and beliefs. She believes strongly in the power of overcoming past hurts through empathy and compassion.

She is a mother of two, author, presenter and coach. She lives in the idyllic coastal town of Merimbula, NSW, Australia.

*All written material on Relating To Men is subject to copyright to the author.