Another Drop Of Blood – Violence Is Genderless

Written by Jasmin

 

Australia is in crisis management due to the number of deaths of women from domestic violence. It’s abhorrent to think that 2 women were killed last week and that 62 women have been murdered in domestic incidents so far this year. It’s something we need to address thoroughly, but therein lays the problem. Australia is only looking at half the domestic violence problem.

In the past 10 days I have found 7 news stories where women have committed violent attacks against their partners and one against their child. 4 brutal stabbings, 2 attempted murders and a woman charged again this week with murder of her child who died after 70 counts of injuries that lead to his death. There was also a female Police Officer charged with DV offences.

I was also alerted to a news story where a woman was responsible for starting an ‘all-in-brawl’ at a local football match. It reminded me of an assault by a mother in my local area at a soccer match where she attacked another family.

As gruesome and disturbing as it is, when I started to see a trend in domestic violence I started keeping my own record of female perpetrators of domestic violence. I wrote about it back in April in The Ugly Truth Of Female Violence. There you will see for the 2014-2015 period the tally of violent or murderous charges and convictions of women currently sits at 83. It’s being updated daily when necessary but you can check and verify every story and every statistic.

Women’s groups like Destroy The Joint have the advantage over me because they receive reports straight from the police about male perpetrators. However I don’t have that privilege women’s groups do, nor their power of influence. I’m just one lone woman behind a keyboard talking about something it seems very few women want to acknowledge.  I am restricted to finding articles periodically as they appear in my newsfeed from major news sites. I have to wonder how many I am missing especially from smaller towns that aren’t making the news.

It seems every media personality and politician in Australia wants to jump on the bandwagon to show their support of women who are victims. Rosie Batty has done an excellent job of changing her original attitude of ending violence against all, to now saying she wants to end violence against women. I guess she’s ignoring the fact that her son who was killed by his father was a boy. I would hope she wants to end violence against boys too, especially since boys one day grow into be men.

So let’s not forget about the children. To my tally as recorded above, there have been at least 32 cases of child homicide and 3 of attempted child homicide by women, predominantly mothers or grandmothers. These are just the murders. There are undoubtedly many more cases of abuse, assault and neglect by mothers.

It is well documented that if child victims of violence and abuse do not get the help they need, they can grow up to be anxious, angry and violent.  If we really want to address ending domestic violence against all, we must address all the perpetrators in order to get help for all the victims.

How Did We Get To An Epidemic?

In 2010 The Psychiatric Times reported the unspoken about true factors surrounding domestic violence.  From their analysis ”

“All in all 18,761 respondents were studied.  The results showed that almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half were reciprocally violent. In non-reciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of cases. Reciprocity was associated with much more frequent violence among women, but not men (adjusted odds ratio 2.3 for women and 1.26 for men). Regarding injury, men were more likely to inflict injury (adjusted odds ratio 1.5 and 1.1), and reciprocal intimate partner violence was associated with greater injury than was nonreciprocal IPV, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator. The authors discuss a recent meta-analysis with the finding that a woman’s perpetration of violence was the strongest predictor of her being a victim of partner violence.”

However, now we see this as victim blaming. A woman may abuse, denigrate, hit, stab, strike out at man as much as she likes, but he must apparently never even so much as argue back or he will be charged with domestic violence.

The most innocuous verbal dispute between couples is being used to label domestic violence in marriage breakdown. Women can say they are ‘fearful’ of something that happened many years earlier even though they stayed happily in the marriage for the years following, and they are to be believed without question and through only hearing one side of the story. These men are then forbidden from seeing their children.

I do not want to discredit the stories of any person who is held captive to genuine life threatening fears of another person. But therein lays the problem. GENUINE LIFE THREATENING fears v. an innocuous argument in marriage breakdown.

And so our ‘epidemic’ that now means we are in crisis is due in large part to countless numbers of cases where women are believed without question and without accountability for their accusations.

Many of the women who come trolling my social media to pick fights with me seem threatened that services for men will take away the focus from women. What I believe their real fear is, is that services for men will highlight that often women are the problem.

If Australia truly wants to end this crisis of domestic violence, it has to address all the perpetrators in order to support all the victims.

2 women died last week at the hands of men. At least 5 men and 1 woman were severely wounded in a savage attacks by women and 1 mother was charged with murder and a female officer charged with DV offences.

It’s time to end violence against everyone.

For the record: I have been a victim of violence at the hands of both men and women throughout my life. The most brutal of all was an attack by women who violently attacked me telling me they were going to kill me. The Police never charged them because ‘it’s too hard to convict women’. No one came to help me, because it was ‘just’ women. I was also a victim of a former partner in my 20’s, and a countless other assaults on me in my childhood by both men and women. I am fully reconciled with what happened to me and fully healed, which is why I am able to do the work that I do.

I have zero tolerance for any form of violence and abuse against anyone.

 

The work of Relating To Men entirely unfunded. All donations gratefully appreciated.

Photo credit: Flickr – Marco Musso

 

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About the author

Jasmin

Jasmin is a specialist men’s coach who supports men in all aspects of relationships, but specifically those who are going through high conflict separation and divorce. She is also a dedicate advocate for services for men and their children who have been victims of domestic violence and abuse.

Jasmin helps men who are struggling and feeling lost and alone, to move to a place of acceptance and confidence so they can move ahead and live a life consistent with their values and beliefs. She believes strongly in the power of overcoming past hurts through empathy and compassion.

She is a mother of two, author, presenter and coach. She lives in the idyllic coastal town of Merimbula, NSW, Australia.

*All written material on Relating To Men is subject to copyright to the author.